I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
