Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
