remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
