Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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