i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
