my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
