I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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