Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
