If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
