how can u be prego again
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
