he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
