I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
