You smell like a Billy Joel song
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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