In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
