you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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