i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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