We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
