dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
