just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
