I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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