no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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