After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
