I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
whose ass print is on the piano?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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