You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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