I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
