Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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