are you still at the devil's house?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
