My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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