I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
