problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
