fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
