now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
