dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
