Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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