I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
