Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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