Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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