You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
