Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
