Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
