An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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