Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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