I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
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i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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