There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
