so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
