He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
