He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
