she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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