Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
