I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
