You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
