Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
