my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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