i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
