Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
