Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
