If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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