hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
