she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
