I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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