i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
