Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
