whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
should my penis look like a turkey
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
