ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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