I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize