yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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