Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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