I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
