FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
